Closed doors...

My TV is dying. It's had a good life. I bought it at a Wal-Mart in Iowa in 1991 for a whopping $327. The great feature of the set was it had a remote! whoo hoo! (remember when that was a big deal!) It's been in 6 or 7 different apartments/homes and has given me hours of entertainment... but now it's too bright - as in no darks or contrasts - all the time. (hmm.. there's a spiritual parallel in there somewhere...)

So I decided I was going to buy a new one. tonite. Went to 3 stores and at 2 of the stores (Circuit City and Sears) no one would help me (and at one store I even requested help and still no one came), and at the 3rd store (Best Buy) my sister had to actually raise her hand and ask for help!! What is it about guys who work in those techie places? It's like it pains them to help out a woman, unless she looks like Jessica Simpson... anyway, I digress..

My friend Laura has all these crazy ideas (one of which took us from a normal Saturday lunch directly to the airport and ended up with us spending that night in Providence, Rhode Island without ANY luggage and trying to return home in time for a Sunday luncheon I was hosting at noon!!!), and one of the ways she can tell if it's her idea or God's leading is to "test" it. On the previously mentioned Providence trip we made up a few parameters - the flight had to be leaving within an hour, had to be less than 2 hours in length, and had to get us back into Philly by 10am the next morning. If any of those parameters hadn't been met we'd chalk it up to a crazy idea and be done with it.. The idea behind this is that if God is leading our way, He wants us to try to open doors, but not knock them down. This also tests our hearts - can we walk away from something... so I was thinking a bit about this as I was going from store to store tonite.. was I hitting closed door after closed door because tonite wasn't the night to buy a new TV, or had I just not hit the right door yet? Once most of the stores had closed and part of me was thinking "hey, isn't Target open til 10?" I realized I didn't want to walk away from this idea.. meaning I was trying to get MY way.. not His.. or at least not now.. sigh.. so I don't have a new TV...

But I know Him well enough to know that when I do get a new TV it will end up being better than the one I would have purchased tonite. Honest. Believe me, I have many visual aids of the "wrong" and "I gotta have it my way NOW" things.

Maybe the TV He has picked out for me comes with a fabulous guy who can share the remote! or who at least delivers and sets it up nicely!

Oops, I did it again...

Well, I overslept. By a lot. Was supposed to be at church at 8:00 for the 8:30 service.. when I awoke the clock read 9:15. Gulp. We had worked on a special piece of music for the prelude. Thankfully I'm just an ornamental instrument, but I feel terrible. Just made it in for 10am Sunday School, where I had to open the class in prayer.

I just hate it when I miss the alarms. I don't even remember that the alarm went off, but I'm sure it did - I remember turning it on last night. And I don't think it was an AM/PM mix-up, but you can be sure I'll check on that tonite, as well as setting a second alarm clock - this one will play music in the bathroom for about an hour before the beeping alarm starts.

"Pride cometh before a fall".. that verse did pop into my head.. I was so excited about wearing those red shoes (I did by the way, and they were fabulous).. perhaps I was too prideful about them and this was the punishment. Does it work like that? Does God punish us that immediately, or did I just oversleep because I went to bed too late? Do I have a wrong view of God that I even ask the question?

I'm not sure. But perhaps tonite I won't fantasize about fabulous shoes until the wee hours...

Happiness is...

Ah.. the joys of fabulous shoes.. that don't hurt.. and were on sale! aren't these beautiful? I think part of the beauty of these shoes that I bought tonite is the pure unnecessariness of them. No one needs red sling-backs.. especially open-toed in mid-October... but they make me happy.

I attended an ordination service this week and one of the pastors exhorted the new seminary graduate by reminding him to let people be what they are - to let them use and shine in the giftings that they have. His text was the part in 2nd Corinthians where the hand can't say to the feet I don't need you, and the eyes to the liver you're not important... God made each part important, in it's own way. Some are mouths, and they do a great job preaching or singing... some are hands that play piano like nobody's business, or arms that hug when grief overwhelms, or some are knees bent in prayer. God in His amazing creativity created some beautiful things - and in His wisdom He also hid other parts, giving them protection.. and some parts we haven't figured out why He made them.. like the appendix.. or freckles.. or dimples... perhaps those "accessories" just made Him happy.

Since I am made in God's image (as are you!), perhaps that's where I get my love for shoes.. they are accessories that make me happy. They are "unnecessary" flourishes like overpowering fragrance in a rose, or an electric-pink sunset. Pleasant surprises in the midst of everyday essentials.

Now I don't feel quite as superficial planning tomorrow's church outfit around my snappy red sling-backs!

Lump of Coal

A few weeks ago I stumbled onto some blogs of 20-something Christians and was blown away by their passion and "on-fire"ness.. I then made the mistake of comparing their lives with my own... gasp...

I discussed this a bit with a friend, and we agreed that part of it is due to the idealism and excitement of youth, but I also realized that in the past few years I have allowed my social circles to shrink so that I'm not in close life-contact with many people... my friend suggested I "go get some new on-fire over-40-year-old friends!"... well, how do you do that when you're not 7? and what does an on-fire 40+ person look like?

I realized I have defined "on-fire" almost exclusively as a missionary, or at least missions-minded... this can lead to shrinking circles of friends as they leave "home" and "go". So about a week after wrestling with this question I went to a coffee for the women in my church and lo and behold, I saw all kinds of "on-fire" women - married women with kids, grandmothers, single women - who lived "normal" lives in the US - and some even had grey hair!

So this 38-year-old lump of coal has realized she has to find some people to be "real" with - people who are "on-fire" and can help keep my own fire for God going... hmm... wonder which aisle of the grocery store I go down for that one?