Ouch.

Breakups hurt...

The initial pain, then the disbelief, then the shock...

I think I most dread all the questions... "how's your boyfriend?".... "are you really broken up?"... "what happened?"... Sometimes you are ready for the questions and are relieved for the chance to talk... but other times you're not ready - can't talk about it... and that's when it hits you all over again..

The tasks of breaking up: clean out calendar, put away/change pictures, change Facebook profile, delete speed-dial, put away jewelry/gifts, think - what is at his house that I need to get back, do I have anything of his? and what about his family - do you say anything to them?

It's much harder to clean out your hopes and dreams calendar, and to stop the slide shows of pictures in your heart..

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet My unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor My covenant of peace be removed," says the Lord, who has compassion on you. - Isaiah 54:10

I'm so grateful to have a relationship with Someone that will never end....

It's at times like this that the song "Blessed Be Your Name" runs through my head... God is good all the time, not just when things work out the way I want.. I need to remember to run to Him - to bless Him...

Blessed be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your Name

Blessed be Your Name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be Your Name

Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the Name of the Lord
Blessed be Your Name
Blessed be the Name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious Name

Blessed be Your Name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be Your Name

Blessed be Your Name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your Name

Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the Name of the Lord
Blessed be Your Name
Blessed be the Name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious Name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, Blessed be Your Name

Bless the Lord because it focuses your mind on Him.. yes your heart can be broken, but you want it to be safe.. and the safest place on earth is in His hands...

Off the Hook

This week my sister has been in meetings during the day and having some work dinners in the evening. This has been very inconvenient to me as we are (ok, I am) trying to book our "quarantine cruise." (Back in November we went on a cruise as a family and Chrissie and I got sick and were quarantined in our cabin for 2 days - couldn't leave the room for 48 hours! - so we have a credit from the cruise line which has to be used by 1/8/09 - thus the reason for the push to a decision!).

Isn't it funny how the more we can't reach someone, the more urgent our "need" to talk to them becomes? I became obsessed with all these things I needed to talk to her about. Even today she's on IM, but is in meetings, so she can't really carry on a conversation.. blast it, when will she be back at my beck-and-call!??! :) Gee, when did I get so demanding and needy?

This makes me grateful that there is One who never takes His phone off the hook - One who is always available, always has time for me, and who loves me far beyond what I can even appreciate. But am I seeking Him out? Am I dialing His number?

Call to Me
and I will answer you
and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.
- Jeremiah 33:3

and call upon Me in the day of trouble;
I will deliver you, and you will honor Me.
- Psalm 50:15

Oh that I would call Him, more often and first... He is worthy of all praise and honor, and yet He delights to incline His ear to His children. Last night my dear boyfriend called and was telling me of someone close to him that needs prayer. He suggested that we pray for them when we get together again - but I said hey, why don't we pray now, on the phone - so we did. Why put off tomorrow what we can do today? And are our prayers any less effective over the phone? No, nor are they more effective if made in a church from a kneeler with eyes closed or from behind the wheel of a car careening down the highway. No, what the Lord cares about is the attitude of our hearts.

The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
- James 5:16b

Remember, we just bring the request to the feet of Him who is able to do all things. He is the One who can do something about it...

.. amazing.. amazing grace.

Expectations

Main Entry: ex·pect

Pronunciation:

\ik-ˈspekt\

Function:

verb

Etymology:

Latin exspectare to look forward to, from ex- + spectare to look at, frequentative of specere to look

Date:

1560

Expectations.. they can be good things, motivating you towards a goal or giving you something to look forward to:

In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation.
- Psalm 5:3

or if they are too high or are unmet they can strangle you, or at least me...

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
- Proverbs 13:12a

I think the key is understanding WHO you are expecting something of, and WHAT are you expecting.. is the person someone who cares about you? are they trustworthy? I have to keep in mind that even my best friends or closest family members can "fail" to deliver an expectation - because we're human... even with the best of intentions we hurt each other - we don't mean to, but there are limits to our abilities to fully understand one another and fulfill one another's needs/expectations. I think God designed it that way, so that we wouldn't rely on other people but on Him who is perfect, whose love for us is steadfast and who never fails. The "what" part of expectations can "get" you too - remember the telephone game you used to play as a kid? - one person whispers a phrase to another and at the end of the line the phrase is completely different - that happens with just 2 people - or even with me and God!! I can be sure that God has promised "X" to me - but His definition of X is different than mine - I mean, look at how He sees time:

But do not forget this one thing, dear friends:
With the Lord a day is like a thousand years,
and a thousand years are like a day.
- 2 Peter 3:8

So it's completely normal and natural that we'd have these blunders.. as a wise person said it's not about what happens to you, it's how you react to what's happened.. the whole "if life hands you lemons, make lemonade" argument.. and it's got some merit..

In the past 2 days I have been on both sides of failed expectations and neither feels good.. I hate knowing I hurt/let someone down, and I hate feeling deflated and pouty when something doesn't go my way. Wednesday when I learned I had hurt a dear friend I just wanted to go talk to her, to make it better.. but she's not ready yet.. and then yesterday another dear one told me something that hurt/disappointed me and I am having a hard time "getting over it".. I'm trying to reconfigure things in my mind, to focus on what's important -to keep the person and the relationship first and let the things/expectations go - but it's excruciatingly difficult - this mind of ours - it's a battlefield...

So my new tactic is to hold onto things loosely.. to keep my hands open - so that God is free to place something into my hands or take things out, as He wills.. if I'm holding onto something too tightly then when He tries to take something out it hurts - my fingers get crunched.. plus, more can fit into hands that are open versus clenched...so if I'd just keep my hands open, then I am free to receive His blessings.. and His are the best kind of blessings anyway..

Here's a poem I found with the open hands picture that I Googled - I don't know who authored it, but it's good!

I approach life with open hands.
I am ready for whatever may be placed into them.
I can not grasp or hold the things that are placed there.
I will not expect precious things to remain in my hands.
I will be grateful while these things are in my care.
I will not miss the pieces of life that never find their way into my hands.
I will allow even the things I have longed, wished and hoped for to leave my hands.
I will let go of expectation.
More can fit into my open hand than my clenched fist.

so here's to open hands...

and no expectations....

Every good and perfect gift is from above,
coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights,
who does not change like shifting shadows.
- James 1:17

Tweets, Blogs and the Future

Blogs are out.

This is according to my sister. Last week she was in western Canada at a work conference and a "futurist" gave a lecture on trends to watch. One trend was that "twittering" is in, blogs are on the way out. "Tweets" are 140 or less characters giving a quick update of what you are doing, looking for, thinking, etc... sounds a lot like the status updates on facebook/myspace, doesn't it?

So does this mean that the next generation (or us in the future) won't even have the attention span to read/write a whole blog entry - that the most our poor flabby underused brains can handle are 140 characters? How sad.

And how typical. Just when I get something up and running it's not "in" anymore.

Well, I have a facebook account and I do find myself updating my status from time to time (ok, a lot!). And once I realized I could update it via text message I found myself feeling the need/urge to update my status while I was traveling.. "Jennifer is at the airport".. "Jennifer is sad her flight is delayed".. "Jennifer is sitting by the pool"... what's the purpose of this? What's the message I'm trying to communicate? Do I think I'm connecting with others by letting them know what I'm doing each moment of the day? Am I looking/hoping for a response? These "friends" of mine have gotten by for years without knowing what I am doing each and every minute - what's changed?

This makes me glad that God doesn't change:

I the LORD do not change.
So you, O descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed.
- Malachi 3:6

I am infinitely grateful for a God who is always ready to hear from me, who is always interested in what I'm doing. I'm glad the Lord doesn't follow trends or fads. And since He knows the past, present and future there is nothing that surprises Him. He even knows what's "next" after twittering...

So if you want to know what I'm doing check my facebook.. if you want to know who is checking on you just talk to Him - He's always got your status!

Over the Hill

For someone who dreaded turning 30, I am proud to say that turning 40 was great. The week was full of celebrations - my "pizza lunch girls" took me out to the swanky pizza place in town and gave me all sorts of fun, uplifting and encouraging cards... Greg and I flew down to the Gulf Coast of Florida and had a fantastic long weekend of fun in the sun (without getting sunburned!) - and he gave me a gorgeous amethyst necklace! And when I got back in the office some of my co-workers had decorated my office with all sorts of fun stuff - flowers, "40" confetti, lollipops that say "40 Sucks!" and "Over The Hill" black crepe paper.... what fun.

Last night as I was flipping thru the channels (ok, the TiVo suggestions) I was struck by something I heard a woman preacher say about time - how God had ordained for us to live 3 score and 10 (=70) years, and that many of us have more years behind us than in front of us.. So I guess that's what "The Hill" refers to when someone says you're "Over The Hill"... It's strange to think that I have already lived half my life already - kinda glad I didn't realize that milestone had happened at 35! But whatever the number of years, the idea of my own mortality and the need to make the most of my remaining time is pretty sobering. This can bring up all sorts of questions about how to use your time, life purposes, leaving a legacy, the meaning of life...

sigh..

.... I look up and my eye falls on the picture framed above my desk.. it's a painting of flowers in a basket with script behind it.. the script is the words of the 23rd Psalm....

The places mentioned are "green pastures," "quiet waters," "paths of righteousness," and "the valley of the shadow of death".. yes, that last one sounds serious, but the others aren't especially holy or purposeful spots... in fact the pastures and waters seem kinda relaxing.. there doesn't seem to be room for questions there.. why? I think it's because of the line that says "He guides me in paths of righteousness".. the idea of God leading/directing is one that gives me great peace.

So, what do I do with all the questions about the rest of my life? I'm taking them to the feet of the Creator of the Universe, to the One who has a plan for my life, for how to use me in accomplishing His purposes, and how to communicate with me in a way I can understand - how amazing is that! And the direction for tonite? I'm getting together with some friends and we're going to a few art exhibits and have dinner... how lovely - I certainly agree that these are pleasant places:

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
- Psalm 16:6

Thanks God!

5K!

I ran (and walked) a 5K on Saturday. A few months ago I planned for this event - I made up a calendar chart (oooh I so LOVE a good chart with pictures all nice and neat!) with my training plan - what I needed to run each week, culminating in being able to run for 30 minutes. It was a doable plan, and I was quite proud of myself because in addition to planning for this 5K I was also planning to turn 40. Rather than being anxious about the big four-O I decided that I wanted to have run 3 races in my 30s - this was one of the last weekends to get that all-important 3rd race in - I also talked it up with all my friends and family, so I had to do it to save face! Week after week I did my best to stay on my training plan - even running while I was down in FL for Sarah's wedding. I had my favorite verses in mind:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

- Hebrews 12:1-2

I love this passage for a number of reasons:

1. A great cloud of witnesses - this gets me pumped up because I think of people in a stadium watching and cheering me on.. they want me to succeed - they have finished their races and now they are helping me finish mine... I believe these witnesses are those already in heaven, the faithful ones who have lived their lives for Jesus and are now awaiting the finale - when Jesus returns to earth to gather up His bride, and then we have the wedding feast of the Lamb... ooohh how exciting!
2. throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles - can't you just see someone running and casting off chains and heavy belts and then feeling so free?!? the chains and shackles were hindering the person, they couldn't take a big step - but once they threw off those things then they were free to run in perfect stride - and they felt so light and.. free! I also love the description of the sin that so easily entangles - like a vine - starts small at first and kinda looks pretty, but before you know it that vine is wrapped around your neck and starting to choke you.. so cut that vine and be done with it!
   
3. run with perseverance the race marked out for us - "run" - don't walk.. "with perseverance" - it's gonna be tough, but hang in there - keep running - you may have to slow your pace, but keep going.. "the race marked out for us" - there was forethought - it isn't a surprise to God what we are going thru - He set up the course - He set the boundaries - He has rest stops and water startions and cheerleaders for us along the way. And He knows that we can do it - He marked out a race for us that He knew we could finish.. He didn't set us up to fail, but to succeed - to WIN!
   
4. fix our eyes on Jesus - my training plan has been time-based, so I have been fixing my eyes on my watch - how many minutes have I been running, how long til I can stop and walk a bit... they say you should fixate on something in the distance - say I am going to run to that tree - helps you to have a reference point.. Jesus is that to us - remembering who He Is, what He did and how much He loves us... nothing better to fix our eyes on that Him!
   

While I wasn't able to run the race without stopping to walk, I did cross the finish line. I trained, and showed up on race day. And I got that 3rd 5K completed in my 30s... Good for me! I'll bet that great cloud of witnesses was rooting for me - wonder if they did "the wave"? :)

Bunny!

I got an e-mail from my Mom today that said yesterday was the date I was due to arrive, and back in 1968 it was Easter - she said "aren't you glad you didn't arrive then? We'd have nicknamed you Bunny!"

Well yes, I am glad I wasn't born then. As an accountant to have a birthday right around Tax Day would be a bummer - would either be too busy to celebrate with work or doing my own taxes - and I love my end of the month date that allows me to savor the whole month in anticipation of my birthday. And isn't anticipation the best part of anything anyway?

Just in case you haven't done the arithmetic, yes, I am about to turn 40... in less than 2 weeks!! And I am so proud of myself that I am not freaking out! When I turned 30 I worried and obsessed for half of my 28th year and all of 29 - but then when 30 came it was great - at the time my friend Laura threw me a surprise party, I got voicemails and e-mails from friends and collegues all over the world, and I discovered that life didn't end at 30 and in fact it was pretty good!

In my 30s I got to know myself better -

• I picked up the flute which I hadn't played since college and discovered I'm good at it and I love it! I've been playing in my church band for years now and find it's an outlet for me to worship God.
  
• I traveled to Europe a lot - on business trips and personal. I found a love for exploring cities and was totally content doing that all by myself! I drove in England on the left side of the road! I gazed at masterpieces in the Louvre, climbed mountains in Lucerne and attended church in Geneva. I also explored Scotland with my sister Chrissie and went on a fantastic Italian adventure with Laura.
  
• I went on 2 missions trips.
  
• I tutored inner-city kids.
• I worked with junior-high kids at church and realized it wasn't my forte.
  
• I moved to North Carolina and back, surviving 3 hurricanes, the last of which flooded my house.
  
• I ran two 5Ks.
  
• I went on dates (great story potential here!).
  
• I lived with each of my sisters, and alone.
• I bought and sold 2 houses.
  
• I started realizing what I was good at and began the process of accepting those things that I wasn't.
  
• I grew closer to the Lord as I saw that whatever happened, He is the only One I have. He is the only One who is always there. And He is always faithful.
  

My friend Becky who shares my birth-year (but she's months younger) told me she started getting MORE magazine which is for women over 40 - I thought that was so cool! So I have picked up a few issues.. and I recently watched an episode of Oprah where she said that your 40s, 50s and 60s can be the BEST years of your life! She had blurbs from some over-40 Hollywood women and interviews with "regular" women who had totally changed their lives in mid-life - found new energy, started companies in entirely different fields, traveled, gave back to their communities... I found the show so uplifting, so exciting, so inspiring - I felt the need to figure out how I was going to mark this momentous occasion of turning 40... and in my typical over-the-top fashion, this "need" blossomed into an obsession! Poor Greg and my sisters kept hearing all these ideas I had - from going 4-wheeling to skydiving to jetting off somewhere exotic to a weekend at the beach to throwing a big party.. it's been exhausting!

But I am happy to say that I have figured it all out - the picture in my mind of how I want to celebrate my big day is to be sitting on the beach in a bikini with an umbrella-topped frozen drink. So my sweet Greg has agreed to fly down with me to the Gulf-coast of Florida for a long weekend of sun. And yes, you did read that right, a bikini! I think that is the most deliciously fun part of the whole picture, because you see, I do not have a bikini body. Truth be told, I really don't have a bathing-suit body (but how gracious of the Lord to give me a boyfriend who thinks I'm perfect!), but I do manage to squeeze myself into an appropriately black suit now and again when I want to swim. So this past weekend after about 45 minutes in a swimsuit store with the most patient and helpful saleswoman, I walked out with my first bikini since I was 6! I felt on top of the world! For me the idea oozes fun and confidence - which I am hoping will fill my 40s and beyond.

Of course I still have my pride and self-respect, so I'll only be wearing this bikini on faraway beaches when the likelihood of running into anyone I know is remote.

I'm going to be 40, not a fool! :)

Covenant of Peace

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet My unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor My covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

- Isaiah 54:10

It feels as if some mountains in my family were shaken this past month with my Dad's health issues and not being able to attend my sister's wedding. However, the LORD has been faithful - He has not forgotten us and done some pretty remarkable things...

• Two weeks before the wedding Sarah and Mike were able to fly up for a quick overnight trip to visit/pray with Dad. While in town she installed Skype on Dad's computer so he could watch the wedding in case he couldn't make the trip.
  

• Tuesday before the wedding the doorbell rings at my parents' home and Donna Lee is standing there - she was in their small group Bible study in new england (and is still there - my folks relocated last spring)... without invitation or consultation she took it upon herself to fly here, rent a car and book a hotel room for a few nights.. she simply said "I am here to pray!" What an extravagant display of God's love - for my Dad to see people reaching out to him, and for my Mom to have a buddy for a few days uphold her and just run errands with. Truly an amazing friend!

• During Donna Lee's visit a plan beings to unfold where Mom will fly down to Florida the morning of the wedding and leave the next day - and Donna Lee will send her dear husband Phil to stay with Dad. Phil is very low-key and a perfect companion for my father.
  

• The flight down with Nana and Elizabeth went smoothly - Greg was soo helpful! I saw during this trip how much he calms me down and what a wonderful man he is - he loves me and my family so beautifully! He was truly a gift to me during this trip.
  

• Sarah orders a boutonniere for Dad - it is delivered on her wedding day - he proudly pins it to his sweatshirt and wears it all day.

• Charlie, a friend of my sisters Sarah and Carrie who is gifted with techie-skills, comes over the day of the wedding to set up the computer to view the webcast.. he stays with Dad during the entire ceremony and when the feed is lost he quickly gets it back again - a real God-send! So Dad is able to watch the ceremony live from his computer - he and Phil and Charlie, crowded around the laptop screen.. what a picture!

• Sarah calls Dad on her cell phone before the ceremony starts, then puts the phone on speaker and holds it with her bouquet. At the end of the aisle Mom jumps up and stands beside her... when the officiant asks who gives this woman to be married they put the microphone up to Sarah's cell and Dad said "her mother and I do".. so Dad got to say his line and be a part of the festivities.

• The wedding and reception were beautiful and joyous and wonderful! The weather was perfect for Sarah's outdoor ceremony - a bit windy - I think the Unity Candle blew out! But it was a bright, sunny, beautiful evening. Sarah was an amazingly beautiful bride - she just glowed - and we were able to just kick back and enjoy the evening - they even did a special tribute to Nana, singing Happy Birthday to the new 90-year-old. So I think Sarah felt properly honored and celebrated.

• Everyone arrived home from Florida - there were some hiccups with flight delays, baby-meltdowns and being locked out of the house, but all in all we made it back safely.
  

• Two days after the wedding Dad goes back into the hospital. The Lord even worked the timing - Dad's doctor started the hospital admittance process early afternoon - but there wasn't a bed available so they went home to pack and wait for the call - when it came in about 8pm I was able to go with them (the hospital is in the center of the city) and there was a big sporting event that night that we could have gotten caught in traffic - but His timing was perfect so we sailed on by! The admitting doctor was the same one Dad had before, so it was good to see him again. They ran some tests, keeping him in the hospital until Saturday afternoon.
  

• Sunday afternoon my Mom says that their good friends Dottie and Herb just dropped by - they live about 4 hours away! They just popped in to check on Dad and pray for him.. what a wealth of friendships!
  

So while things are still uncertain regarding my Dad's health - the doctors think the issue is a pneumonia-based infection, but they aren't sure - one thing is certain and that is that whatever happens, the Lord has not forgotten us.. He has compassion on us and loves us.. and for now that's enough.

March Update...

I joined Facebook last month.. well, I HAD to - my sisters and MOTHER had already joined - I had to rush to beat 90-year old Nana!... ok, she's not on Facebook (that I know of!) but with all the other sisters and Mom on Facebook I caved to the pressure.. anyway, now that I'm on this FB thing I'm so confused - what do I post here and what on FB? Should I switch to just facebook and abandon my blog? This has me questioning the purposes for everything.. sigh.. and just when I thought I had a few things figured out.

I also haven't been blogging lately because of 2 family events:

One is that we had the first wedding in our family this week! My sister Sarah married Mike this week down in Florida - she was a radiant bride - the ceremony was lovely and the reception lots of fun. Amazing how quickly the reception goes - I never got a chance to talk to Sarah after the wedding, so other than the staged pics from the photographer I don't have a picture of me with her in her gorgeous gown... probably best to just enjoy this pic of the happy couple - don't need to see a silly sunburned bridesmaid when you can see a beautiful blushing bride! :)

The other family event is that my dad is having lots of health problems.. the poor guy hasn't been feeling well since after Christmas - he's been on 5 antiboitics since then, went into the hospital in mid-February where they ruled out tuberculous but he may have picked up the flu (or gotten it on his own), and in the week before Sarah's wedding he was told by the doctor that he wasn't well enough to travel, so he couldn't go.. very sad.. he's back in the hospital - hoping to come home tomorrow -they are doing lots of test because they don't know what the problem is - but he's lost about 50 pounds in 6 weeks and is tired and weak.. it's scary and frustrating when there is just nothing you can do... but pray...

So if you think of my dad, please pray for identification of the problems and healing!

Thanks!

Handwriting

I got a gift from Brenda the other day - a belated Christmas, nice-to-see you, thanks for supporting me gift from one of my favorite missionaries and one of the top-10 people in the world - seriously, she's that cool - one of the top 10 in the world (and probably one of the only readers of my blog, so hey, I gotta love her!).. anyway, she had some fun little things in the gift-bag, but as I was typing my "thanks for giving me this" e-mail I realized what I loved most was the card, because she had written me a note on it and I love her handwriting. It's curvy, neat, feminine, symmetrical and makes me smile - she has happy handwriting and it reminds me of her. She makes a flower over some letters, but not in a high-school Tiffani with a heart over the "i" annoying kind of way, but in a nice, "Brenda likes to make things pretty" kind of way...

This got me to thinking about how much we have lost in our quest for speed and "continuous improvement". Handwritten cards and notes are the exception now, not the rule.. e-mail and text messages are the communication channels of choice. And for the most part I agree. But an e-mail message just doesn't look as pretty in a scrapbook.. and you can't fold a text message up in your pocket.. Even when I do send letters/notes, for the most part I buy a Hallmark card that someone else has penned... oh, I add a little note at the bottom, but the main part of the card is printed.

For Valentine's Day Greg surprised me with the flower delivery to work on Monday (see picture in the post below), but he also sent me Valentines in the mail - every day for 4 days - and I loved them! They were silly and sweet but he had written little comments on them that made me smile and fall a little bit more in love with him (he even covered the envelopes with little heart stickers.. so sweet!!). I loved reading his little notes partly because I enjoy seeing how her wrote them - his handwriting.

What is it that is so special about handwriting? Everyone's is different. It says something about you. Handwriting analysts would say that it gives clues as to the personality of the writer. In this automatic, one-size-fits-all culture the act of sitting down and writing to one person is very deliberate and honoring. When I think of "real" handwriting I think of someone with a quill and ink scratching out really important words on parchment - the Magna Carte, Shakespeare writing a play, or an ancient scribe writing the Scriptures on a scroll. I can almost hear the pen tip scratch the surface of the paper...

There are a few letters/cards that I have kept over the years - letters from my dad when he was out at sea with the navy, notes from my mom encouraging me after I had moved away, love letters from old boyfriends, and correspondence from dear friends affirming me. It's fun to pull them out from time to time and be reminded that yes, there are some people on the planet who think I'm ok, or even fabulous! And even though they aren't written by His hand, the Bible is the collection of God's letters to us - His love letters, His little notes to encourage and inspire us, His reminders that He thinks we're fabulous. I've been keeping a prayer journal for over 10 years now and it is fun to go back and see how God was using a verse or situation to teach me - when I see His word in my handwriting it becomes more a part of me... when I pray a verse or claim a promise, His words back to Him - then the verse becomes more alive and real to me.

What's God been writing to you lately? Are you reading His letters? I'll bet there is something fabulous waiting for you!

Week of Love!

Well, this is a special week.. yesterday, February 10th marked the one-year anniversary of the first date that Greg and I went out on, and this Thursday is Valentine's Day..

To celebrate the latter Greg is taking me to the Country Club where they are having a special Valentine's Day Dinner!

To celebrate the former we went out for a lovely brunch yesterday after church, and for dinner Greg prepared a fabulous steak dinner which he served me beside the fire while watching a romantic comedy.. (well, the movie was a bit of a bust, we turned it off after about 30 minutes, it was a bit raunchy.. poor Greg, he is getting a reputation for picking out not the best movies!). I gave him 4 framed pictures of us - (from 2nd qtr picture of us in Chincoteague VA, from 3rd qtr pic of us in Arizona, 4th qtr pic of us in NYC, and from 1st qtr a pic of us from Saturday). Last month when we were shopping for frames I said I wanted to get "love" frame and he rolled his eyes saying oh geez.. so of course I HAD to give him not one but two love frames!!! (the other 2 pics are in nice "normal" frames!)... he has bravely brought one of the "love" framed pics into his office.. can't wait to hear how his coworkers respond!

Today he surprised me with a delivery of my favorite flowers - lillies - to my office! Aren't they beautiful!?!?! The card reads "Be My Valentine, Love Greg".... awww... so sweet! When I called him to thank him for the lovely delivery he even alluded to yet more deliveries this week... hmm... what's that about?!?! Stay tuned! :)

My Beautiful Sister and Her Beloved

My sister Sarah is the first of us to get married - and her big day is coming up next month!!! She just sent us a "peak" at her engagement pictures and they are sooooo adorable! Sarah is a real beauty and Mike is a cutie, so together they are just the most picture perfect couple! They are going to have some beautiful kids, aren't they!?!

http://brockmans.org/web/photography/

I am so excited for Sarah, but it also marks a change in our family structure.. this past Christmas was different in that we had little Elizabeth around, so we had to shuffle things to fit better into her schedule... just before Christmas I was down in North Carolina with Greg's family, and Sarah flew out to Ohio after Christmas to meet all of Mike's family.... so we are about to embark into the uncharted waters of extended family....


I think we all knew how precious and fragile our time as just a nuclear family was - which is why we made sure we went on that cruise over Thanksgiving together, and why my parents relocated from new england to here last year, and why we all made Tuesday family dinners at Mom and Dad's a priority. I cherish my parents and sisters and am so grateful for each one, and it's such a blessing that we like one another and enjoy spending time together. Now there is this strange new thing happening - there are BOYS in our family now! Will they change the way we relate? Will they leave the toilet seat up (forbid it!) or make lots of sports analogies, or do other things to disrupt our little eco-system? Probably. Change happens.. doesn't mean it's bad, it's just different. And that's ok... the old saying "make new friends but keep the old" is true for family too - welcome the new ones but keep your relationships with the "old" ones also...

so I'll be flexible..

I'll welcome and cherish..

I'll embrace and relinquish...

and I'll check the toilet seat before sitting down!

Wednesdays with Elizabeth!

I am sooo excited! My sister Chrissie has graciously agreed to let me have Wednesdays with my fabulous niece Elizabeth - so I'll be picking her up from daycare (hope to leave work by 4) and then do something fun with her, feed her dinner, bathe and put her to bed! Nice that she goes to bed so early (by like 6:30!) because then as long as Chrissie is back I can pop over to small group at 7pm... I am excited about this for a number of reasons:

• #1 - to have a "regular" time to spend with Elizabeth - to create memories, establish an ongoing relationship with her
  
• #2 - to help Chrissie out, give her a "night off" and a time to run errands, get her hair done, whatever,
• #3 - it fits nicely in my schedule - makes me leave work at a specific time and I can still do my "evening" activity.

As a planner it gives me great joy to be able to accomplish TWO things in one night! :)

My best friend Laura is a great role model to me in the way she makes spending time with her nieces and nephew a priority. She sets up times with them - when they were little she'd take one on a Saturday and they'd do fun stuff, spend the night and go to church with her in the morning.. as they got older rather than getting them a birthday present she'd plan day-trips with them - take them skiing, or to New York or Washington DC just the 2 of them - lets them experience something new and gives them adventures together... with one niece she'd take Fridays off work and spend the day with her and another of her friends who is a stay-at-home mom, and they would take the kids together and go to the pool, play tennis, check out a nearby event... for the past ~5-10 years her Christmas present to them has been to take them on vacation along with her parents - this gives the grandparents special time with the grandkids, and they have been some amazing places - western Canada, lakes in NY and new england, renting a house on the Chesapeake... for her eldest niece's high school graduation she took her to Europe for a week!

So I am starting out small - just a few hours on a Wednesday evening.. who knows - perhaps for Elizabeth's high school graduation we'll be jetting off to the moon for a weekend!?!? :)