Actively Trusting....

I want to trust the Lord - with my future, with my life.. but I struggle with what that really means.. what's that look like? how do I do that? I'm a do-er.. I'm a Martha... so when I say I'm gonna trust the Lord with a situation I agonize about what that really looks like...

So I decided that in my current situation I wasn't going to just trust - I was going to ACTIVELY TRUST.. for whatever reason that made trust feel more purposeful, more DO-ing.. more, well, active! And it worked! After about a week on the market my house sold and I had a signed contract on a house I wanted to buy! It felt great! God is good! yeah! Hallelujah!

And then I found out the buyer of my house backed out due to issues with my current house.. so not only did I lose the sale of my house, I also lost the house I wanted to buy and was now facing potentially major bills... all of a sudden God didn't seem so, well... fabulous... it wasn't that He seemed bad, just kinda - well, not around, or unaware, or something.. and yet the stubborn, faith-filled part of me was determined to believe that God is ALWAYS good - not just when I am happy with the result - but ALL THE TIME. These are the times our faith is tested, and proved, and made our own. I awoke the next morning and the verse and song line "my God shall supply all my needs according to His riches in glory" (Phil 4:19) played over and over in my heart... The Lord had given me peace. But as soon as others would ask about the situation I would start to complain, building up the bad parts (once a drama queen!!) and getting myself a bit more unhinged with each conversation... He gave me peace but I was giving it back! Oh why are our hearts so unfaithful?!? I determined I wasn't going to complain, but I was going to testify to my trust in God, my believe that He has a plan and that He will guide me.

Up and down.. one step forward, two steps back.... that conviction was on Saturday.. today is Monday and I'm needing to remind myself again Who is in control... it's not me.. As my Mom told me, this business of taking every thought captive is exhausting! And it's vitally important! I need to actively trust Him - trust that He will guide me.. trust that if I get it wrong but am really trying to do the right thing, I need to trust that He will fix it.. He's quite capable, and very creative... and amazingly He loves me... not sure why - I'm sure I drive Him crazy at times with all my analysis and questions, trying to figure out what He's up to.. trying to trace His path, anticipate where He's leading..

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable his judgments,
and his paths beyond tracing out!
- Romans 11:33

so He reminds me that His paths are BEYOND tracing out, His judgments are unsearchable.. so I need to just rest and wait for His next prompting...

How refreshing! His yoke IS easy, and the burden He asks us to carry IS light! Let me not make it difficult and heavy, but only accept those things You would have me carry...

Thank you Lord!